I want to post every Sunday and even though we are in the middle of moving and everything's crazy I wanted to do a quick post. We always pray that Emma's heart will be blessed and get stronger. A couple days ago she said a prayer on breakfast and said, "Bless Mommy's heart... bless the food to get stronger." I loved that she thought that was just stuff that you pray for. Matt found some old pictures and video during the move. I waned to just post one of my favorite videos from when she was in the hospital. She was just two and always such a good sport. She was singing Skida ma rink ke dinkee do (sp?) which involves arm action which she pulled off with all of her attatchments. She's amazing, inspiring.

Here's Emma taking a break. It's hard to get her to slow down so I was very happy to find her laying down on the floor in her room. When I asked her what she was doing she say,"I'm just resting." She was in there for a while just talking to herself. She got the sheet from her bed and snuggled up with Alyssa's Care Bear. Too Cute!

Here's Emma and Tessa taking a bath together. Emma would stay in the bath all day if I let her. The only way I get her out is if I show her that her fingers are all wrickled, for some reason that kinda freaks her out. They have lots of fun together... and yes, they weigh almost the same now!

Memories are Forever

Well, it's official...we're moving. I'm so grateful we have family that is so willing to help and let us move in with them. I think this will really help our family get on it's feet and move towards better things. Why am I writing this on Emma's blog...because we moved here the week she was born. Wow, was it a whirl wind. Family and friends came together and helped so that when Emma came home from the hopital she would have a comfortable place to recover. Everyone was so amazing. So, I guess that's why I'm a little sad to leave this house. All my memories of Emma are here and even though I believe she'll live a long life there's always that little "what if" in the back of my head. I think it's my way of dealing when things don't go the way I've planned, I like to be prepared so if I've played all the scenarios in my head then I can prepare for how I'd deal with it. So, here's my what if...what if we move and I loose her. Will I be able to handle letting go of something so tangible. I know this has never been our house but it's been our home. I've had half of my large family here. I brought Emma home from the hospital to recover 4 times here. I've watched her struggle for life and win here. I've watched her learn to roll over, crawl, and amazingly walk here- right after having surgeries. I've watched the everyday miracles that support her life here. I feel like I'm going to forget somehow. I know it will all be there when I need it. I know that if I'm doing what's right I will have the memories and tangible evidence of her life but my weak mind always has to ask what if. So, I've decided that in leaving maybe I can let go of some of the hurt that came with watching her struggle and take with me the joys of watching her win her battles and have given me strength in her strength. I'm going to try and take pictures of some of the things she does here right now just to remember. Here's one of her on the computer. She can actually navigate through sites and play games for hours. I love it cause it keeps her calm and her brain working. She has a tendancy to over do it because she has such a desire to be active, she doesn't like to sit and watch tv. I love her zest but sometimes she just needs to slow down. What a cutie!

Share the Love

It's hard for me to talk about Emma. It's like this thing that's always there and everyone knows about but doesn't want to "rock the boat" of my emotions. I've decided that sometimes I need the boat rocked. I got a call from Dr. K and even thought it wasn't bad news, it wasn't the news I wanted to hear. I carried this disappointment with me throughout the day thinking it would fade but when I woke up the next morning it was like a brick on my chest. I carried it with me as I tried to get things done but every time I looked at her I hurt. I didn't want to see her that way, as something broken. Finally, as I prayed for strength, it came to me. I just need to talk about it. I stopped Matt in the middle of the living room and said, I'm having a hard time. I told him how I was disappointed that her leak wasn't getting better( what I wanted to say was healed...don't I have enough faith) I told him how I felt like I just wasn't doing enough and felt like it was my fault. He wrapped his arms around me and told me she's going to be fine and it's not in my hands. He continued to comfort me but it wasn't just his words that were comforting, it was sharing the burden that made me feel better. I felt like I could let it go now that it was out there. I know my Heavenly Father hears me and He is the only one that can truly understand my heart and I will always turn to Him first but putting the words in the air and breathing them out into the universe just did something for my spirit. I realized right then that this wasn't something that was suppose to be kept for just me. I have so many people that love me, that love Emma...they all love her, hurt for her, think about that what ifs, rejoice when she's had another miracle, cry when she regresses. So, I've decided to start writing it all down. I have a hard time expressing myself but when I'm writing I think it give my brain time to catch up to my emotions. So here's my thoughts, exposed. I'm just going to start putting them out there and letting them fall where they may. The good, the bad, and the vulnerable.

Emma and Mommy

These are the Daddy Mommy Sierra, Mykaila, Alyssa,Emma, Mattehw and Little Tessa planes.
And the Dr. Kanakriyeh plane. Emma had me make this while at her doctors appointments... the listing below explains the story.

Today was a good day.

Emma had an appointment today with Dr. Kanakriyeh, her cardiologist. We were there from 2pm to almost 6pm. They finally let us leave and will be calling with the results from the ECO or we would have been there longer. They were very busy today, it doesn't usually take this long. As you can see we got very bored. After being in the waiting room for about 45 min, then in the EKG room about that and then in the consult room about 30 min and the ECO room another 1/2 hour we got pretty creative. We had special activities each room. The waiting room we played with her new doctors kit that lights up...very cool. She took my temp. and gave me lots of shots, she also gave a little hope to a woman who was pregnant looking at having a baby with possible heart problems. Next came the EKG room where she gets weighed and measures and gets to put on her stickers. Then the alligators hang onto the stickers so she has to hold very still so they don't fall off. She loves it and is very cooperative. Then came waiting so she drew on the paper on the table. She got very creative with her stickers as feet and hair for her person. Then she drew a picture of Dr. Kanakriyeh with his glasses, very impressive and a picture of her next to him. She tore it off and gave it to him. He liked it so much her cut it out and made a photocopy and put it in her chart. Next we waited for our consult so we made paper airplanes. Emma wanted a size representing each member of the family. She would say lets fly the daddy plane and the little Tessa plane. Then we stacked them all together and flew them all at once so they scattered through the whole room. Of corse Dr. K walked in right when we had them strategical scattered in every corner of the room. Embarrassed I quickly picked them up and told Emma we couldn't play airplane any more. He asked how she was and we began discussing such. While we were talking I watched him take a paper from his prescription pad and begin folding and tearing away at it. I didn't think much of it until I noticed it started to take shape. Emma watched intently until her handed over a very high tech paper airplane. Thrilled she threw it in the air and hit him with it. They both laughed. He was very pleased with how well she was doing and seem very optomistic about her future. We looking towards and praying they will re-evaluate her around her birthday and he said maybe the beginning of the year. I didn't get pictures of the ECO but immagine an ultrasound on your chest. Emma had a sucker in each hand and as soon as one was gone it was quickly replaced. I seriously think she had six suckers. Boy was she happy...she didn't stop talking the whole way home...yeah sugar high. This was a pretty typical visit but just wanted to share the details. We go about every 2-3 months and have an ECO every other time. She loves to go and is adored by everyone there. Today was a good day.