4/25/19

I haven’t been able to update since things really started getting hard and part of me didn’t want to so I just said what I could on FB. 

April 25 - This was my FB Post, ‘Little bit of a set back today from nausea making it hard to get out of bed but look how well she did yesterday! They may still let us go home today!’ I tried to sound brave and mention the good from the day before but this was the worst day yet. She had a horrible night and threw up twice that morning. The problem with this was 1- it was painful to throw up, imagine all the back muscles that have just been manipulated trying to work to throw up and 2- we couldn’t keep the pain medication down so she was feeling everything. When PT came that morning she couldn’t get out of bed. When they came that afternoon she mustered up some strength to walk down the hall and back which she had done 3 times the day before but this time without pain medication and now feeling nausea. IT BROKE MY HEART! This was the day I wanted to break but she wasn’t so how could I. The day got worse ...when they finally released us it was 5 o clock traffic in LA but I knew if we could just get her home we could get this all under control. Hospitals are the worst place to get better. She was in so much pain to even get out of bed and somehow we got her in a wheel chair, out to the car and into a seat. We tried every way to get her comfortable. We drove about 10 min and had to stop. Matt pulled into a little market and ran in trying to get something she could stomach to try and get her muscle relaxers down. I was sitting there feeling so helpless and she kept saying, ‘I don’t know what to do.’ And I thought, ‘I don’t know what to do!’ but I did. I prayed. I prayed so hard to know what I could do. I moved the car so I could open the doors which was funny because Matt couldn’t find us when he came out. It came to my mind to know how to adjust the seat and the pillows just right. Matt found us and came back with some foods that sounded appetizing(the hospital crackers didn’t even have salt). She had some saltines and a few sips of soda. She took her pill and we waited and breathed watching the traffic get worse as it passed by. We all took a deep breath and when she said she was ready we started up again. It doesn’t help that on top of all of this she gets car sick easily . We made it about 45 min down the road and had to stop on the side of the freeway and readjust pillows again and take a few more deep breaths. We made it back into that heavy traffic. It took us a little over 2 hours to get home. There were 4 accidents on our way home. I felt so bad that by the time we got home we were all so exhausted that our welcome party didn’t go as the kids had planned. They had spent the day with Grandmas help deep cleaning the house, making treats and decorating. Everything sparkles when we walked in. There was a big welcome sign in chalk on the walk way and one on the sliding glass door. The table was set for a celebration. Emma’s eyes lit up through her pain and I couldn’t have been more grateful for their goodness. I am so deeply blessed to have such good kids that love each other. I kept thinking I couldn’t have done this without them. She had to walk into the house because it hurts to be held. Her room was all set up so perfectly. The kids moved a TV and recliner in there for her.  She tried to lay in the bed but it hurt to much. Again I prayed. What do we do? We got her into the recliner and padded her with pillows. Everyone took another big breath. She was able to get some food down and then the pain pills. Finally she felt some sense of relief. This is when she said to me, ‘this is the best/worst thing I’ve ever chosen to do.’ And she meant it. As she’s gotten older we’ve let her take a more active roll in her health care. I was so grateful to hear that she did actually feel like this was her choice. We had told her why she needed the surgery and how hard it was going to be and she wanted to do what was best to keep her from getting worse. It was another really long night. Each time I’d start to fall asleep she would ask to be adjusted again. Finally about 3:30am she settled down and slept for 4 hours! 

She also kept telling me how proud she was of herself each time she could do something again she hasn’t been able to do.